Alone Always Alone
by Trivher
Summary: It's a Molly centered story aren't they the best?


This isn't a song-fic, but instead it's a fic inspired by a song. I have to be honest and say that I own the rights to neither. Disney owns So Weird (at least I'm sure that they still do) and Vertical Horizon owns Underwater. I am not sure what owns me but I wish it would relinquish control back to me.

He left me first. Ignoring my fearful protests to stay home with me and watch some b-rated movie playing on TV. It was a feeling I couldn't shake or convince myself it was only paranoia and not based in reality. Another unfounded suspicion that came true. For years afterwards I had trouble pinpointing what emotion was stronger within my soul; sadness to have him gone never to make me feel alive again, or anger because he was selfish and didn't think of me or of our children. Now they are only mine.

She left me next claiming it would only be for one school year. I don't know of any school that is in secession for twenty-one months straight. I know she can come back to me at any moment and not just in my dreams, still the rip in my heart remains. I wonder if I pushed her away was I too forceful and demanding as a parent? Or worse yet was I lack on rules and guidelines leaving her to feel empty with no guiding force to teach her right from wrong?

I once asked Jack what it was about me that made people flee voluntarily and involuntarily; he didn't have a response besides fear of why I was asking such a depressing question. I can't help it if that's what my life is. I lose friends, soul mates, children, myself, eventually I shall lose them all, including him. The day will come when he finds someone to marry and raise a family of his own, and the visits and phone calls of updates will grow further and further apart until all that remains is a Christmas card send in November. I was born under a bad sign with the stars of destiny stacked against me on the day of my birth.

During periods of happiness I can never enjoy them fully because I know at any moment either the phone will ring or there will be a knock at the door to shatter the joy away from me. Someone is sick, a person has died, or something I was working towards has slipped against my fingers. I spend my days laughing, making harmless jokes, and generally being a quote on quote normal person for the benefit of others. I spend my nights crying, remembering the past that can never be forgotten, and trying to find the strength to move foot in front of the other.

Love. The Hollywood and William Shakespeare definition of love doesn't exist anymore for me. Rick was my only one able to light a spark underneath me in the pouring rain. I wonder if some of the men I meet and have an interest in could be more than just a few quick dates if I allowed myself to try. I can't try though, I can't risk loving again completely and fully because I have seen what can and will happen.

My career is fading subtly but fading just the same. No one wants to see a has-been artist in their forties surrounded by electronic engineered fresh and new seventeen year olds. The music world is a revolving door that has smacked me so many times my nose is constantly dripping with blood. I could return to writing jingles and repeat my success that I had with Star Dot Star, not a luxurious career to brag over expensive wine, but money just the same.

Through it all the only thing I want is a simple request but oddly enough it seems to be that simplest tasks are the hardest to have fulfilled. Perhaps they are so simple that they get over looked not understanding there importance in a complex ever-changing world. I just want reassurance that even though life might not always be anywhere close to the dream I pictured, that everything will be safe somehow. I need someone keep from drowning in the over flood of emotions. Someone to save my life when it becomes too much to handle and too much to care about. I am searching for a hand in the dark and I fear it will never be there. Alone, always alone.

_You and I are here_

_Underwater_

_Seconds are so dear_

_Underwater_

_I'm searching for a light_

_To draw me closer_

_I hold my breath in tight_

_Bring me closer_

_I feel your touch_

Will you pull me up again 

_It's not so bad down here_

_Underwater_

Once you get past the fear 

_Underwater_

_I sense you through the haze_

_Just like a memory_

_We've been down here for days_

_Have you seen me_

_I feel your touch_

_Will you pull me up again_

_It's all the same to me_

_Underwater_

_There's nothing much to see_

_Underwater_

_I cannot make a sound_

_But I can listen_

_I can't tell up from down_

_And now I miss them_

_I feel your touch_

_Will you pull me up again_

_You're just in sight_

_Will you save my life again_


End file.
